Copyright 2006 Christopher Green
I recently posted an article on my website about how certain beliefs underpin stress, depression, and anxiety. One of the main beliefs I briefly introduced is about helplessness. Helplessness is a major part of these disorders, so let's see how to reduce the effects of this flawed belief.
It is a very scary feeling to believe that you are helpless in life, and I am writing here from personal experience. Over five years, many traumatic events have brought me to the point where I believe that life is nothing but pain and suffering. I truly believe that life will unfold in a way that will destroy me, and there is nothing I can do about it.
Maybe you feel the same way?
Underlying beliefs are an important factor here. A firm belief that life is what happens to you and that you have no control over anything. In short, you are a powerless, passive recipient of whatever life decides to throw at you.
This is a terrible state. Furthermore, this belief is simply not true.
Let me give an example. Suppose you and your partner broke up. Now, this can be a very painful experience, I've been through it and so have many others. You react in a highly negative and emotional way:
"I'm depressed. He/she is my whole world and now my world is falling apart. Everything I do in life keeps going wrong and it's another disaster. I'll never be happy again."
Wow. It's a powerful reaction, isn't it? I'm sure you, like me, have reacted this way to events, or you've heard of people reacting this way. Giving meaning to the events you face is a very harmful way.
The last two sentences reveal a belief in helplessness. The key word is: everything always goes wrong, never happy again. When you react in this way, you are telling yourself that you are helpless because nothing is right for you and you are not going to be happy no matter what. You say that you have no control over anything, therefore, you truly believe that you are helpless.
当你做出这样的反应时，你觉得你会有什么感觉？确切地。你会感到深深的不快乐、困惑、沮丧，当然，也无助于改变你的生活。为什么会有别的感觉？一切总是出错，你再也不会快乐了，那么做任何事情来创造改变有什么意义呢？
你明白无助是如何产生的吗？但这根本不是真的。当然，生活中有很多事情是完全超出你控制的。其他人和大自然母亲仅举两个。生活中有些事情是你可以控制的——例如你生活和工作的地方。牢记这些关于控制的事实很重要。
这是关于无助的最重要的事实：在你的生活中，有一件事是你可以完全控制的，那就是你如何反应并为你所面临的一切赋予意义。在上面的例子中，更好的反应是：
“好吧，我的关系并没有奏效，但我生活中的其他事情进展顺利，当我接受所发生的事情时，我会专注于它们一段时间。只是因为这段关系没有成功，并不意味着未来的关系会失败，一旦我克服了这一切，我就会出去寻找更好的人。”
看到不同？你通过赋予一个不那么情绪化的意义，一个更符合现实的意义来保持控制。你承认你正在受伤，但这只是暂时的，当你准备好时，你会再试一次。你知道你的生活中还有其他可以专注的事情，这种反应会防止出现无助感。
再见。
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