A Classic Convert Isn’t Always So Cool

Moker and I met in college. He was funny, liked to go out, and owned a classic 1972 Impala convertible. I loved him for his mind — I swear! — and not his cool car.

I moved back home to Texas after graduation, and M followed about a year later. In mid-July. With that sharp mind and the bonus of a red-on-black ragtop, what was not to love about the developing situation?

Big Apple Red, with a black vinyl interior and a black top. And no AC. In Texas. In mid-July. Ever been to Texas in July?

We were journalists back in the day, with the craziest hours. I worked days. He worked nights. His Upper Midwest sensibilities couldn’t figure out who the hell built the blast furnace in his classy car.

“I go to work at 2 p.m., and it’s 105 degrees outside. When I get off at 11, it’s still 95.” Yeah, he wasn’t complaining about the car. I promise. Just about the weather.

“Dude, you live in Texas now.” I’ve always been the one in this relationship to point out the obvious.

Things heat up in the Dallas-Fort Worth region as early as February, sometimes, and the North Texas blast furnace blows nonstop — at least til mid-October. There’s barely any kind of respite between one summer heat wave rolling into the next.

“Yeah, but who freakin’ lives in a place that’s still 90 freakin’ degrees at 11 freakin’ o’clock at night?” Yeah, he didn’t employ the word “freakin” in that sentence. And I guess the heat had gone to his head when we had that convo, because he was talking about me and millions of other Texans — but also himself, since he’d adopted the place a few weeks before.

“Dude, who drives a car like that in Texas in the summertime?” As the dog days ticked by, I was becoming less and less impressed with Big Red. With a black top and stick-to-the-butt black vinyl interior. Things never cooled off in that car, even with the top down.

A recent heat wave here in NC reminded us of those days, when we were very young and didn’t always think with the brains the Good Lord gave us, as my Nana would say.

It wasn’t long before we decided to get hitched. I’ll never know, though, whether he drove his Impala back home to Wisconsin because he just couldn’t take the heat anymore, or because he needed to sell the convert to his brother to scrape together enough cash to buy me a ring.

“The cars we drive say a lot about us,” someone once said. I don’t know who coined that classic phrase, but Moker didn’t come to his senses, even after his classic Big Red was long gone and he realized he needed new wheels.

In the “I still need to get to work” sweepstakes, the boy certainly found a bargain. A 1975 Buick Electra 225 — a former corporate car he picked up from one of my bosses — with a black vinyl roof, baby-poop velour ceiling and black leather seats. All I have to say about that is some folks operate on a slow learning curve.

Yeah, my man didn’t learn much about the relentless Texas heat. Except he paid $350 for his shiny new ride, and sold the heap four years later for $500. Such a bargain. But he did have to invest in a staple gun to keep the velour anchored above our heads.

Moker had a good attitude, though, about the whole situation.

“This heap’s got primo AC,” he crowed. “That’s all I really care about.”

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