Hello everyone, this is Helen Huang @ Organizing, based in Beijing, China. In order to better learn and practice the YiXiaoNeng Time Management System, after finished publishing 100 Chinese articles, I decided to continue writing and publishing a daily English article in another 100 days based on the "YeWuBin Time Management 100 Episodes" audio program. Today is the 198th day.
Today's topic is: What Lies Between Black and White is the Rainbow
Let's look back on a formula we have learned: If our beliefs and perceptions about something cause us to have a negative response, we will not be in control of our emotions or our response and we will be offline. Emotions that come from judgment, accusation, right and wrong, love and hatred, and quarrel may lead to serious conflict. Much of these comes from our single-win thinking. That is: I am right, you are wrong. All or nothing.
Today, I want to share another part of the equation. We should approach problems with the belief that we are the root of all things that make us who we are. That is to say, we have to surrender.
Of course, we cannot stay at the starting point. So where are we going? Instead, we should solve problems with win-win thinking, and change your mentality of "I win, you lose" to win-win thinking. Having a win-win mentality allows us to step away from the "I win, you lose" paradigm and choose a third option.
Win-win thinking, means we first seek to understand each other before asking for others to understand us. This means you allow your mind to expand beyond its limited frame filling with the other person's perspective and allowing the third choice to emerge – the choice that is between the "I win" and the "you win".
Let me describe it in detail. Realize that the way we think about something is only a small part of our knowledge structure. There is a blind spot. Our thoughts can be divided into four parts:
1) What we know we know;
2) What we know we don't know;
3) What we don't know that we know;
4) We don't know that we don't know.
The areas where we don't know are the blind spots. What we don't know that we actually do know, and what we don't know that we don't know. Think of that as being consciously aware of what you know and what you don't know. And being consciously unaware of what you know and don't know. So the things we know and things we don't know, for either the things we are consciously or unconsciously aware of it.
Did you know that the largest of the four is what we don't know that we know? That means we will unconsciously unaware of what we know. In other words, things we believe and trust that are such a habit that we are unaware we are even thinking that way. It's an automatic response, it's something we are not even conscious of doing.
Everyone has a worldview – that is a way of seeing the world that is completely unique to them and that no one else shares. When we live in our own world, using our own worldview, we will believe in our judgment firmly and forcefully to the exclusion of all others. Because we do not know the facts behind the event, and because we are so rigid in our own thinking, the idea that "I am right, you are wrong" is easy to trigger our offline and unbalanced emotional state.
At the same time, others react to our emotions and have their own offline thoughts which exacerbates and continues the chain reaction. It's only when we sit down to talk with each other calmly, that we solve the problem.
How do we create this calm neutral mood? Neutrality and calm comes from the idea that everything that happens is a good thing that will bring us more wisdom. This state of appreciation will calm our state of mind.
Therefore, to solve a problem, we shall have the thinking that we are the root, we are in control and that everything that happens to us has the opportunity to makes us more successful. When we are calm and can approach a problem with a balanced and open mentality, we have a chance to get to know each other, we can expand our thinking, and find win-win solutions to problems.
If you can transform your mode of thinking today from the "I win, you lose" mentality to one that says "Results are better than winning", I believe that your emotions will be controlled much more easily. If we can abandon our single-win thinking, if we can expand our knowledge, we can find the third solution. The third scheme is not compromise, but win-win.
That's all sharing today. Thank you being with me together. Have a wonderful day!