59 Hilarious but True Programming Quotes for Software Developers
程序員的 59 條搞笑但卻真實無比的編程語錄
I have collected a lot of programming quotes which are anyhow related to the life of a software developer. These quotes are related to software development maintenance, debugging, software bugs, software design and documentation, code quality, testing and management etc. Below are 59 programming quotes which are hilarious but also true. Only a software developer can understand the worth of these programming quotes. So lets start…
我收集了很多編程語錄，基本上都跟程序員的生活有關。這些語錄涉及軟件開發，代碼維護，調試糾錯，軟件bug，系統設計、文檔，代碼質量，測試和軟 件開發團隊管理等方面。下面的這59條語錄雖然很搞笑，但卻真實無比。只有程序員才能理解這些編程語句裏的真正內涵。閒言少敘，開始吧…
Software Developers and Programmers Quotes
程序員編程語錄
A good programmer is someone who always looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. (Doug Linder)
一個好的程序員是那種過單行線馬路都要往兩邊看的人。(Doug Linder)Don’t worry if it doesn’t work right. If everything did, you’d be out of a job. (Mosher’s Law of Software Engineering)
程序有問題時不要擔心。如果所有東西都沒問題，你就失業了。(軟件工程的Mosher定律)The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it’s too late. (Seymour Cray)
程序員的麻煩在於，你無法弄清他在搗騰什麼，當你最終弄明白時，也許已經晚了。(超級計算機之父Seymour Cray)Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris. (Larry Wall)
我想大部分人都知道通常一個程序員會具有的美德。當然了，有三種：懶惰，暴躁，傲慢。(Perl語言發明者Larry Wall)Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. (Martin Golding)
編程時要保持這種心態：就好象將來要維護你這些代碼的人是一位殘暴的精神病患者，而且他知道你住在哪。(Martin Golding)One man’s crappy software is another man’s full time job. (Jessica Gaston)
一個人寫的爛軟件將會給另一個人帶來一份全職工作。(Jessica Gaston)If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along wound destroy civilization. (Gerald Weinberg)
如果建築工人像程序員寫軟件那樣蓋房子，那第一隻飛來的啄木鳥就能毀掉人類文明。(Gerald Weinberg)The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That’s where we come in; we’re computer professionals. We cause accidents. (Nathaniel Borenstein)
這世界最有可能毀滅的方式——大多數專家都同意——是次意外。這就是爲什麼會有我們，我們是計算機專家，我們創造意外。(Nathaniel Borenstein)It’s a curious thing about our industry: not only do we not learn from our mistakes, we also don’t learn from our successes. (Keith Braithwaite)
我們這個行業有個特別奇怪的現象：不僅我們不從失敗裏吸取教訓，同時也不從成功中學習經驗。 (Keith Braithwaite)Once a new technology starts rolling, if you’re not part of the steamroller, you’re part of the road. (Stewart Brand)
一種新技術一旦開始流行，你要麼坐上壓路機，要麼成爲鋪路石。(Stewart Brand)If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0 (unknown)
如果沒能一次成功，那就叫它1.0版吧。(unknown)All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors. (Anonymous Hack Actor)
所有的程序員都是編劇，所有的計算機都是爛演員。(Anonymous Hack Actor)The sooner you get behind in your work, the more time you have to catch up. (Anonymous Scheduler)
工作進度上越早落後，你就會有越充足的時間趕上。(Anonymous Scheduler)When a programming language is created that allows programmers to program in simple English, it will be discovered that programmers cannot speak English. (Anonymous Linguist)
當有這樣的一種編程語言出現：它能讓程序員用簡單的英語編程，你將會發現，程序員都開始不會說英語。(Anonymous Linguist)Why do we never have time to do it right, but always have time to do it over? (Anonymous)
爲什麼我們沒有時間把事情做對，卻總有時間把事情做過頭？(Anonymous)Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.
傻瓜都能寫出計算機能理解的程序。優秀的程序員寫出的是人類能讀懂的代碼。Any code of your own that you haven’t looked at for six or more months might as well have been written by someone else. (Eagleson’s law)
任何你寫的代碼，超過6個月不去看它，當你再看時，都像是別人寫的。(Eagleson’s law)
Programming / Software Development Quotes
編程/軟件開發語錄
Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight. (Bill Gates)
按代碼行數來評估軟件開發的進度，就如同按重量來評估飛機建造的進度。(比爾-蓋茨)Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. (Michael Sinz)
軟件就像做愛。一次犯錯，你需要用餘下一生來維護支持。(Michael Sinz)Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen. (Edward V Berard)
在水上行走和按需求文檔開發軟件都很容易——前提是它們都是凍結狀態。(Edward V Berard)The first 90 percent of the code accounts for the first 90 percent of the development time…The remaining 10 percent of the code accounts for the other 90 percent of the development time.(Tom Cargill)
最初90%的代碼用去了最初90%的開發時間…餘下10%的代碼用去了另外90%的開發時間。(Tom Cargill)Commenting your code is like cleaning your bathroom — you never want to do it, but it really does create a more pleasant experience for you and your guests. (Ryan Campbell)
註釋代碼很像清潔你的廁所——你不想幹，但如果你做了，這絕對會給你和你的客人帶來更愉悅的體驗。(Ryan Campbell)Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning. (Rick Cook)
如今的編程是一場程序員和上帝的競賽，程序員要開發出更大更好、傻瓜都會用到軟件。而上帝在努力創造出更大更傻的傻瓜。目前爲止，上帝是贏的。(Rick Cook)The hardest part of design … is keeping features out. (Donald Norman)
軟件設計最困難的部分…是阻擋新功能的引入。(Donald Norman)In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion. (Anonymous)
爲了理解遞歸，我們首先要理解的是遞歸。(Anonymous)There are only two kinds of programming languages: those people always bitch about and those nobody uses. (Bjarne Stroustrup)
世上只有兩類編程語言：那些擁有被人詬病的和那些沒人用的。(Bjarne Stroustrup)The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit. (Anonymous)
The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit. (Anonymous)If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution. (Robert Swell)
如果Java能實現真的垃圾回收，那大部分的程序都會在執行時刪除自己。(Robert Swell)In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. (Jan L. A. van de Snepscheut)
理論上，理論和實踐是沒有差異的。但實踐中，是有的。(Jan L. A. van de Snepscheut)Ready, fire, aim: the fast approach to software development. Ready, aim, aim, aim, aim: the slow approach to software development. (Anonymous)
預備，開火，瞄準：這是最快的軟件開發方法。預備，瞄準，瞄準，瞄準，瞄準：這是最慢的軟件開發方法。(Anonymous)Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science. (Anonymous)
編程是10%的科學，20%天份，和70%的讓這天份符合科學。(Anonymous)It is easier to measure something than to understand what you have measured. (Anonymous)
評估一個事情要比去理解你評估了什麼容易。(Anonymous)Benchmarks don’t lie, but liars do benchmarks. (Anonymous)
測評不會撒謊，但測評的人會。(Anonymous)Better train people and risk they leave – than do nothing and risk they stay. (Anonymous)
培養員工，即使他們有跳槽的風險。什麼都不做而留他們在公司，這樣風險更大。(Anonymous)The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we’ve finished building it. (Anonymous)
計算機科學的目標是做出一個東西，並且保證它至少能堅持到我們將它開發完成。(Anonymous)Java is to JavaScript what Car is to Carpet. (Chris Heilmann)
Java之於JavaScript如同Car之於Carpet。 (Chris Heilmann)It’s not at all important to get it right the first time. It’s vitally important to get it right the last time. (Andrew Hunt and David Thomas)
起初就把事情做對是完全沒必要的。但最後要把事情做對是絕對必要的。(Andrew Hunt and David Thomas)Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration. (Stan Kelly-Bootle)
數組的起始索引應該從0開始還是從1開始？我的0.5的折中提議被他們未經認真考慮到拒絕了——我認爲是這樣的。(Stan Kelly-Bootle)Programs must be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute. (Abelson / Sussman)
程序必須是爲了給人看而寫，給機器去執行只是附帶任務。 (Abelson / Sussman)Programming can be fun, so can cryptography; however they should not be combined. (Kreitzberg and Shneiderman)
編程可以很有趣，你可以用它做密碼學研究，但兩者絕對不能合二爲一。(Kreitzberg and Shneiderman)Copy and paste is a design error. (David Parnas)
拷貝-粘貼是一種設計錯誤。(David Parnas)Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind. (Donald Knuth)
計算機善於遵循指令，但不善於理解你的思維。(Donald Knuth)
Software Debugging Quotes
軟件糾錯語錄
Deleted code is debugged code. (Jeff Sickel)
刪除的代碼是沒有bug的代碼。(Jeff Sickel)If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. (Edsger Dijkstra)
如果糾錯是消除軟件bug的過程，那編程一定是把它們放進去的過程。(Edsger Dijkstra)Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are–by definition–not smart enough to debug it.
代碼糾錯要比新編寫代碼困難一倍。因爲，如果你寫出了最聰明的代碼，按此推算，你將沒有更大的智慧來debug它。It’s hard enough to find an error in your code when you’re looking for it; it’s even harder when you’ve assumed your code is error-free. (Steve McConnel)
想在自己的代碼裏找出一個錯誤是十分困難的。而當你認爲你的代碼沒有錯誤時，那就更難了。(Steve McConnel)
Software Bugs Quotes
軟件bug語錄
It’s not a bug – it’s an undocumented feature. (Anonymous)
這不是個bug——這一個未註明的功能特徵。(Anonymous)Without requirements or design, programming is the art of adding bugs to an empty text file. (Louis Srygley)
沒有需求或設計，編程就是一種將bug添加到一個空文本文件裏的藝術。(Louis Srygley)Bad code isn’t bad, its just misunderstood. (Anonymous Code Behaviorist)
爛代碼並不爛，只是被誤解了。(Anonymous Code Behaviorist)There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works. (Alan J. Perlis)
有兩種方法能寫出沒有錯誤的程序；但只有第三種好用。(Alan J. Perlis)Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. (Donald Knuth)
小心上面代碼中的bug；我只知道這些代碼是正確的，但沒有試過。(Donald Knuth)
Software / End Product Quotes
軟件產品/成品語錄
Before software can be reusable it first has to be usable. (Ralph Johnson)
軟件能夠複用前，它必須要可用。(Ralph Johnson)Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it’s released. Beta is Latin for “still doesn’t work”. (Anonymous)
軟件通常在beta測試完成不久後發佈。Beta在拉丁語中是“還不能用”的意思。(Anonymous)The best performance improvement is the transition from the nonworking state to the working state. (J. Osterhout)
最好的性能改進是將軟件從不能用的狀態變成可用。(J. Osterhout)The cheapest, fastest, and most reliable components are those that aren’t there. (Gordon Bell)
最廉價、最快速、最可信賴的組件是那些還未出現的組件。(Gordon Bell)I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn’t show up in a Unix directory listing. (Oktal)
I think Microsoft named .Net so it wouldn’t show up in a Unix directory listing. (Oktal)Software and cathedrals are much the same – first we build them, then we pray. (Sam Redwine)
軟件和教堂非常相似——建成之後我們就在祈禱。(Sam Redwine)The software isn’t finished until the last user is dead. (Anonymous)
除非最後一個用戶死掉，軟件是不會有完工的時候的。(Anonymous)Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves. (Alan Kay)
如今的大部分軟件都非常像埃及金字塔，由成千上萬的石塊一個摞一個構成，沒有結構上的集成，是由暴力強制和成千上萬的奴隸完成。(Alan Kay)
原文：http://theprofessionalspoint.blogspot.com 需要翻牆，在2013年9月日誌歸檔當中。