Are you a person who often refuse others? The people who I refuse most frequiently is my husband and friends. Because if I don't refuse them at first, there will be endless requirements waiting for me.
Yesterday, my husband told me he was afraid to go to Canada, I asked why. He said he couldn’t speak English and could do nothing there, worrying not adapting new environment. I was shocked why he drawa conclusion before taking action. I replied him that going to Canada or staying here actually didn’t matter, what did matter was what you want to do, all the external things were just a tool or bridge to help you attain goals. If you only wanted to live a relaxed life, the best thing was to stay at home and play computer games. But I still had the desire to explore the magnificence andspectacles of the world. He claimed he was a person without goals but laziness, which was the reason why he was scared. I replied I also spent 2 years to work out what I wanted to do, which maybe the darkest time in my life,especially when my first assumption was proved wrong after the first year, then I had to find another direction. I believed he could work it out without 2 years long. He wished that I tell him what he should do then he can just complete it. I refused the requirement and pushed he to do it by himself.
In the past time, I used to be a laid-backperson and would like help others. But the result is they become too dependent on me, losing the ability to observe and judge accurately by themselves.For example, some friends always asked me which stock they should buy. I told them to learn how to gather information and evaluate listed company through related books, naturally they would know. Sadly, they disliked doing case study, but hoping me to tell the answer directly. So I always refused unhesitatingtly.
However , I am rarely refused by them, I always remind them that they should refuse me if I ask too much but it doen't work. For example, one of my friends often refuse others’ requirement on practicing spoken English, but always have time to help me . I asked him why not refuse me if he was too busy. He told me because I was his family member, so I had priority over them. We can meet in heaven. That’s the first time I recognized my identity in God is so blessed. I totally agreed with his opinion that to be a good person is not our goal, but to be a godly person.
Sometimes they changed their schedule or sacrificed sleeping time to help with my spoken English makes me feel guity. Because spoken English is my responsibility, not theirs. I don’t want to bother them. Anyway, thanks for your kindness to help with my English. Hopefully after IELS exam, we can still keep touch even if I don’t need to speak with you everyday anymore.
Do you often refuse others ? why?
